Anyway, I have been in a serious funk lately. Irritable, tired, moody, lethargic. And to make matters worse, I have been throwing myself a real pity party. "Sigh...the house never stays clean." "Sigh...I'm so bored doing the same thing every day." "Sigh...(yes I've been doing a lot of sighing lately)...I'm tired of being at the house all day."
I've started waking up at 6am so I can have some quiet time before the children wake up in the morning. This morning I decided to read a devotional called Tea Leaves. It's a devotional aimed at women that was put out by several missionary wives. I read through several of the devotions and had some time to reflect on them afterwards. That is when the Lord spoke to my heart. "Amanda, look at all the heart ache going on in the world. Orphans, widows, poverty, broken families/homes/marriages. And you are throwing yourself a pity party because you are bored ?? That's selfish!"
Eek. There is that word. Selfish. I couldn't deny it. My selfishness over the past couple days had even creeped into my marriage. I had been upset that John was't taking me out to do things. That he wasn't spending more time with me. That he wasn't giving me a break from the children to do what I wanted. Do you see the reoccurring theme here? I realized that I hadn't even told him that I wanted these things. He was just supposed to know I was struggling. Not to mention he hasn't had the best week at work either!
So, today I started thanking the Lord for things instead of complaining about them:
~My dryer has been broken for about 2 weeks now-Thank you, God, that it's not raining so I can hang our laundry out to dry.
~Bradley got crumbs all over the couch (and I mean all over!)-Thank you, God, for this precious little boy who is so full of life and energy.
~We didn't have much for me to fix for lunch in the house- Thank you, God, for this opportunity to practice my bread baking skills.
~And my biggest "thank you"-Thank you, God, for loving me even in my sin.
Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. ~Matthew 20:28
Running the race,