Thursday, May 13, 2010

Every party has a pooper....

I can't believe I just wrote the word poop...(Marie, I know you are shocked!).

Anyway, I have been in a serious funk lately. Irritable, tired, moody, lethargic. And to make matters worse, I have been throwing myself a real pity party. "Sigh...the house never stays clean." "Sigh...I'm so bored doing the same thing every day." "Sigh...(yes I've been doing a lot of sighing lately)...I'm tired of being at the house all day."

I've started waking up at 6am so I can have some quiet time before the children wake up in the morning. This morning I decided to read a devotional called Tea Leaves. It's a devotional aimed at women that was put out by several missionary wives. I read through several of the devotions and had some time to reflect on them afterwards. That is when the Lord spoke to my heart. "Amanda, look at all the heart ache going on in the world. Orphans, widows, poverty, broken families/homes/marriages. And you are throwing yourself a pity party because you are bored ?? That's selfish!"

Eek. There is that word. Selfish. I couldn't deny it. My selfishness over the past couple days had even creeped into my marriage. I had been upset that John was't taking me out to do things. That he wasn't spending more time with me. That he wasn't giving me a break from the children to do what I wanted. Do you see the reoccurring theme here? I realized that I hadn't even told him that I wanted these things. He was just supposed to know I was struggling. Not to mention he hasn't had the best week at work either!

So, today I started thanking the Lord for things instead of complaining about them:
~My dryer has been broken for about 2 weeks now-Thank you, God, that it's not raining so I can hang our laundry out to dry.
~Bradley got crumbs all over the couch (and I mean all over!)-Thank you, God, for this precious little boy who is so full of life and energy.
~We didn't have much for me to fix for lunch in the house- Thank you, God, for this opportunity to practice my bread baking skills.
~And my biggest "thank you"-Thank you, God, for loving me even in my sin.

Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. ~Matthew 20:28

Running the race,
~A

3 comments:

Marie said...

Look girl, my spiritual gift is mercy. So I'm going to use my gift to give you a bit of grace here: ahem...

You have FOUR kids under the age of 6. Cut yourself some slack. It's tiring, the house never stays picked up, and you never get one on one time with your hubby. It's hard!! I'm glad God helped you change your attitude, and you can heap some love on your kiddos. They are pretty great...

I love you and wish I could be there to watch them so you could have a date night. Your parents will be there soon right?

Amanda said...

I agree with you, Marie. I think every mom is entitled to have a time of discouragement. My point was I was wallowing in it...like for days. And not seeking the Lord for encouragement. I want to strive to continually look to Him and not focus on myself. Not to say a mom isn't entitled to a little "me" time now and again. But when that desire starts to effect my mood and behavior towards other people (for days!) I think it becomes something you've got to lay down at the Father's feet.

Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I forget that not everyone has 4 young children! So when I see how much they get done and how much time they have I can get discouraged!

My parents are coming next week. Yay! I am looking forward to it. :)

Christina Powell- Stephens said...

Amanda,

I have four children, Jesse who is 11, Kenzie who is 9, Madyson who is 7, and Elijah who is 4. And girl I know and understand completely what you are going through. Except I don't have someone to help me. So I do the same thing day in and day out...

I wake up in the morning. I make breakfast. I take the kids to school or daycare, go to work for nine hours. Pick the kids up from daycare. Come home make dinner, give kids baths, and put them to bed. And oh not to forget the homework time too. And housework.

Sometimes I feel there is not enough time in a day for this same routin daily. But when I see my kids. All I can think about, some kids don't have this opportunity.

Amanda, I had to throw this out to you...you inspire me to have so many little ones running around at one time. It is impossible to keep it clean. Trust mine are a little bit older but they still make alot of messes.

Amanda...you are great!!! And Me time is always okay so nothing wrong with wanting it occasionally. I hope it gets better.